How to Respond to Criticism

What do you do when someone criticizes you? They may have criticized you to your face, or behind your back. It hurts. But what do you do?
The worst thing to do is go on the attack and fight back. By doing that, you are escalating the conflict and everyone, even the innocent, is walking on eggshells around you. Proverbs 15:1 gives us the wonderful truism of, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." The last thing we should want is to stir up more anger!
If fighting back is not good advice, what do you do? Start by considering the source. Some people are critical of everyone and everything. If your critic falls into that category, then you have just "joined the club" of all the others they have criticized. At that point, you can rest assured that there are others who have met the sharp tongue of the critic, and many people are dismissing the criticism due to the reputation of the critic.
However, just because a critic has criticized you, doesn't mean you should ignore it. What if it is justified? I haven't yet met anyone who is perfect! I read once that you should listen to your critics, because they will tell you things your friends never would! It might pay to get someone else who knows the situation, and who you trust, into a one-on-one confidential meeting and ask that person to give you some good honest feedback on the criticism. Give them the freedom to respond by assuring them that you want to improve yourself, and if there is even a speck of truth in the original criticism, you need to hear it.
Here are some questions to ask that trusted person, and yourself:
     1. What is true about the criticism?
     2. What did I do to deserve the criticism?
     3. Is this a habit, that I tend to act or react in a particular way when in a given situation?
     4. How should I act or react in that situation?
     5. What can I do to recognize when I am in that situation and in danger of acting or reacting inappropriately?
     6. Who can I trust to give me a warning sign when I am about to act or react inappropriately?
     7. Is there a "trick" (acronym, story, etc.) I can use to help me remember to act or react in the manner I should?
Don't stop with just the list of questions and your answers! If you need to change, you need to decide to change (harder than it sounds!) and then evaluate how well you are doing as time goes by.
The next time you find yourself in a similar situation, ask that trusted confidant for feedback on how you acted and reacted that time. Work on it until you know you have improved yourself and the critic can no longer be critical of you on that matter.
Remember, the goal of responding to criticism is not to escalate the fight, or to win the fight, or to get revenge, but to respond in a way that is right and will be respected. 

Expert Advice

I collect coffee mugs. Some mugs were given to me by friends. Some I bought as mementos while on vacation. Some are reminders of the various baseball parks. football stadiums, etc. that I have been to. And I have a mug for each state that I have visited. Needless to say, I have a lot of mugs!
I use a different mug every day, and today's mug is my Chicago mug (see photo). My family went to Chicago on vacation a couple of years after we moved to Rochester so I bought this mug. It is significant because I was amazed at the amount of graffiti adorning the walls and buildings in Chicago.
Before we went on vacation, I sought the advice of someone who once lived in Chicago. I figured he could tell me the best places to stay, eat, and tips for getting around the Windy City. One of his recommendations was to get a hotel near the airport and take the "El" (Elevated Train) downtown to see all the touristy things. That made sense to me, so we booked a hotel near the airport.
The first morning after arriving, we headed for the airport, parked our car, bought a week-long family pass for the El and buses and climbed aboard the first available car. The ride downtown was amazing! We saw parts of Chicago that I know we never would have seen if we had driven. We caught a glimpse of a commuter's life aboard the El. It was an eye-opening ride. And it took FOREVER!
By the time the train made its way to downtown, and we transferred to a subway, then transferred buses a few times to get to our first museum, we had spent 2 hours getting from the airport to our destination! I decided to try an alternate plan for the next day. The next day we waited until rush hour was over, drove directly to the museum-of-the-day, parked our car and walked into the museum in about 45 minutes.
I mention this because my "expert" advice was incorrect for me and my needs on this trip. We can assume that because someone has performed a certain type of work for years, that this person must be an expert on similar tasks that we are about to undertake. And most of the time, we will be right. However, we should never assume that is always the case. If I had been commuting to work, the El was probably the best method of transportation. But for tourist activities, a well-planned drive in the family minivan turned out to be the best. Listen to the experts, try their suggestions, but be ready to adapt it to your own situation.
Oh, and if you are the expert, don't be offended when someone tries your suggestion and then does it differently. It is not a slam on your knowledge; it is just a recognition that there is enough of a difference to warrant a different approach.